im drinking this country out of the recession.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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