Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
