you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
