But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
another moral hangover. fuck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
