Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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