Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
