I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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