If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
