Already got asked if we're dating
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
