Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
