i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
