But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
