I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
