does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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