i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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