literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
