He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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