All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
