Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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