Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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