And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
