Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
