this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
