Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
