i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
