In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
