It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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