my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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