I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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