I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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