Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
