I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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