You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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