Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
