she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
