I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
