You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
