Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
