you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
