This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
