i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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