this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
