Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
