had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
