I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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