found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
