I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
