In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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