Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
