can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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