Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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