the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
