he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
