and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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