Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
