You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
