Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
