I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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