And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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