Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
