i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
