you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
