And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
